Dawning of New Day

I woke up in a strange lands, at least strange to me. I awoke this morning with the sun beating down on my flesh, it was warm, it felt unnatural to me. Strange for some reason, I could not push this nagging thought that something was odd about this simple accomplishment. My mind which was trying to take in my surroundings, the dunes of sand and the winds that had long since removed the path that I had travelled. I reflected on this, the path that I travelled to get to these remote distances. Some part of me was not there with me, how can you not feel complete. Like some part of you is not a part of you, is away from you. This again was very odd. Then when I tried to reflect upon what was the norm in my mind, all I found was ............nothing, a void.

I heard the noises of jugglers and shouts of kids urging them on, far far away but enough to start to draw me towards where the winds played with my mind. My throat parched for something, water? that didn't seem quite right but it is all that I could do to remember how to create water. I saw the birds circling, hoping I am sure that I would be their next prey. However dissappointing them and almost mocking their eyes, did they note a small trickle of water start to appear, then enough for a small spring. Enough that I could fall to my knees, splash my face and take a long only partially refreshing taste of the pure cleansing water. When I had drunk my fill, I got up on my weakened legs and begun the week long journey.

By the end of it, I did not know if I was coming and going, some waif from the street gave me their only bread ration for the day, feeling I was in worse condition then them, Imagine that if you will.

I stared up at the sun, and tried to remember what it is in me, that I must do.

Reflections of the Past

I had a dream last evening, when I was curled next to Zillah. He was laying there pretending to be asleep, I suppose, or resorting back to something that is an old habit. Like when we sit at the dinner table and he plays with his food until he tires of it. It sickens him, he says. I think we go through this ritual because I need to eat and our child will do so as well and maybe that is why he joins me at night.

But back to my dream....... It was all in black and white like an old movie, and I was in the dream, it was me as a small girl with big eyes and long dark hair. I was lined up with my other "sisters". We were surrounding a pit like area that was perhaps a swimming pool in length and depth, it had been carefully carved out and was made of smooth rock. There in the center, was my sister Naella. Who was older by at least 14 years. She was not old in her own right, and very pleasing to the eye as the Sultan had said on many an occasion. She had been graduated to serve as a prized commodity in the Sultan's harem however, this did not last long. She had been accused by Jadya who had been the favoured girl prior to Naella's arrival of being in love with another man. I new the man Kallid, he was a guard at the palace a good confidant and had the situation be different, would have been an suitor of Naella. It would seem that Naella had not pleaded her case very well, and she wasjudged to be put to death for dishonour. We were forced to watch, as the Sultan's men including Kallid picked up rounded solid white rocks. I remember focusing on them, they must have been carefully selected for their size. Their hands lifted and they started to pound them into the flesh of the screaming Naella. Her eyes met mine, there was horror and pain, and in an odd flash a sense of escapism, perhaps one would call it freedom. Our eyes remain locked until you could no longer make an eye from the remains of flesh that was the beautiful Naella. I was frozen, I could not move nor speak, the moment seemed unreal and still. That was the moment that I first encounter the loss of life. Death reeked over the body, stained the perfectly white rounded rocks. Over the smooth rock pit was tainted the spillage, bones, flesh, debris, and I remained where I was. Our "mother" Zavreed came to collect us after "the lesson," however I did not move. She was upset I would incur the wrath of the Sultan but he silenced her and said, "Give the girl time to think. She is watching and taking great caution in the path she chooses, for she realizes her place where her sister clearly did, not." I remember briefly looking at him, he was stroking his thick hair and gazing at me as one might look a fine horse. I remember getting a shiver of disgust when I saw him lick his lips and mutters something, the only words I heard was "catch that one ...when she is ripe." I turned away from that man and back down at the beautiful Naella, I swore I would never forget her or that day, and I clearly have not.

I woke up naturally in night sweats, and Zillah was there first question out of his mouth, "wots the matter with you woman?" I sighed and lied to him muttering something about pickles and the righteous indication of a pregnant woman. I feel bad about deceiving him but I fear that he would make fun of my dream. I fear I would be called weak or stupid, all these horrible thoughts race across my silly mind and I try desperately to contain them. I try to not think of my shape, or the status of my relationship, or where and if I lost myself. These are troubled times....and where oh where is my damned pickle.

It is interesting to note that smooth rocks were used for runes meaning were told by the Magician of Agrabah to me they are called Master. Master means start with nothing and anything is possible. Make your desires and wishes come true and follow your heart knowing that you are stronger than you think you are

Dawning of the Days

Today is a day that will not be forgotten. It is one of those days when your given a blessing and a curse. It is one of those days that you look for each piece of the jigsaw puzzle that is your life, or adventure with an individual. I reflect upon my predicament with a sense of foreboding these are difficult and delicate times.

I first saw him in the Inn of London, he was standing there gaunt and cocky. His broken slang heard clearly as he was mocking someone. I should have known that he was nothing but trouble, but that was the day that started my downfall. His spiky dark black loxes and his green eyes, peered at me while he jeered at someone that in comparison was unremarkable. He was looking as flashy as ever, ofcourse he didn't notice me in any remarkable way. I was shyer but like a fish I was hooked.

I saw him a few times after and paying attention, and noticing an advertisement bearing his name. His name Zillah Grey, it strikes loathing to some and fear to many but to me and I suspect the female admires he manages to acquire, a thrill. I decided to approach him, again in the London Inn. He was leery and suspicious as I suspect I would be if the situations were reversed. He begun to tutor me on ins and outs of proper vampire and witch slaying. The order to which one slays, and of some of their vulgar habits or their stupidity. He speaks as if teaching these things are a greater purpose that he is sharing. Eventually I became to know about him, appreciate his quirks. He became my lover, my teacher and eventually my love. Our love is not what you read in those trashy romance manuscripts that the Sultan would discourage. His heart is held, and maybe never will truly be open to me. He has said he loved me, but he has said a lot of things...that prove not true. Maybe had he not had the mother he had, nor the tragic life on the streets and definitely not the habits. But then would he have time traveled, would his slang have caught my attention?

I had thought we were safe in our predicament, I knew he had a lady love, a Miss Lime. Though he strayed from her with multiple women, he told me this himself. But I loved him, I needed him. Plus I had the reason/excuse to see him, that he was to tutor me. I did want to learn about vampires and witches, and more importantly about Zillah. The strangest things started to happen, I was sick when we traveled, moody and tender. I had thought that it was the virus, a virus that is what I told myself.......

I eventually sought out Dr. Billyboy who is in question to if he is the Sire of me. He informed me of the "happy" news and how "lucky" I was. I was lucky? I was mortified. How could Zillah do this to me? but then......there was this new life in me. I tried to hide it from Zillah it was hard too, cuz I was getting sick all the time and acting weird. Zillah thought I was fooling around, scrumping he called it. He seems to think about Ramaku who is a flirt and didn't like him very much. I informed Zil, I wasn't. However he eventually figured it out with his friskiness. My bulge, damnit my body had betrayed me. Thus sort of became the trying times of our relationship. Zillah wanted me kept around near him, for him but not to be officially his. He was worried about my safety from the gypsy known as Lime and her hexes. He was worried for me and the babe (who had first he questioned if it was his, accused me of all sorts of improper things and called me horrid names). Well then what happen was of course Lime appears and gets upset and Zil ran off, leaving me. I was very upset at that moment, thought perhaps I would lose the poor child. But I met a really great friend Retsu, she talked with me and explained how you need to have more tolerance for difficult men. Zillah is difficult to say the very least. He came to the place I had hidden, and he talked to me, we had devised a plan to be deceptive for the sake of the baby. After much convincing, and at the time I was determined to keep it. We arrive in London, and coincidentally enough in London Inn. There appears Lime, she was a very pretty gypsy girl who weaved her reality spinning ways and I was in Bengal. I thought this rather odd, one day I was snuggling with Zillah then gone. Well I had made my way back, and be damned if she did not try again, course this time I was prepared. Then she did the same to Zillah. She wanted the truth, she was not casting hoaxes or hexes. She wanted the truth, Zillah was dodging and hedging and being shifty. Well eventually I spilled out the truth. Then like a possessed creature the beautiful gypsy girl committed suicide.

I felt horrid, I should have lied..........No words or nice kind deed can replace that. Zillah was furious at first, then calm......then acted like he didn't need or love her. I hurt him........I really did with my stupidity, I just thought truth solves all, didn't it? All I wanted was everything to be open, no secrets. But Zil was right...........oh so right, he sent me away and then brought me back. He gave me an ultimatum, stay away from Ramaku, listen to his wisdom and don't go places which I don't know anything about. (I think it was the truth thing).

I have no idea of what he feels toward me, or if he just keeps me around for the child I carry. I hope he does love me.......My heart is going to be bruised over and over by him, but I love him. That is my lot , this is my gem and my burden.